A LETTER FROM CHRIS SUAREZ

MONKEY IN THE MIDDLE

Who remembers that ridiculous game we played in grade school on the playground?  Two children would attempt to keep the ball away from the child in the middle?  Throwing above their head, bouncing it quickly through their legs, hurling it just past their fingertips. To be honest, I never loved that game. And maybe that’s because I often found myself in the middle. It almost felt like an athletic and acceptable way to make the kid in the middle feel “less than”. At times it separated the athletic from the non-athletic. Think of the entire point of the game:  keep the ball away from that kid in the middle. It wasn’t a collaborative game, or inclusive game, or even a game that built teamwork. It definitely wasn’t a game for the short kid (me). If you were in the middle, you were always outnumbered. You always felt like the “odd man out”.

And that’s ok. I’m not even sure if that game is even still around. But there seems to have been a bit of a shift of that game that has shown up in business, and thought leadership, and politics, and can slide into our own thinking or our own organizations.

There is no doubt that the world has a lack of leadership. People are starved for a source of good advice. They are looking to be led down the right path. They want to make the right decisions. They want their business or their life to look like their neighbor’s. The danger is when we find one source or one opinion or one leader. We double and triple down on everything that one person says. 

I refer to those “types” of people as “the monkey in the middle”.  People gravitate to listening to everything they say, doing everything that they do, and following every piece of advice they give. They become their one source of truth. Your mentor quickly becomes your prophet. 

Two things are at play here. 

First, organizations and business can see some dramatic success and growth initially with that one iconic leader out front or at the helm. Eventually though, things will begin to break down. The monkey in the middle strategy breaks down. Legacy is created together. Thoughts, advice, opinions, and initiatives need to come from a variety of backgrounds, industries, and people. If there is one smart person in the room making all the calls an organization will become one dimensional.

Second, the same is true as we gather information, gather advice, and gather our mentors. Be careful. Look to connect and learn from various types of people. Learn from leaders across all industries. Listen and learn from both your collaborators and competitors. Put yourself in rooms with different, even opposing thoughts. And remember, everyone has value to contribute to the greater good. We all can learn something from everyone. I learn from business leaders, from philosophers, from authors. I learn from podcasters, from professors, from strangers. I learn from employees, from children, from the homeless man outside the coffee shop. I learn from contractors, from co-workers, and from coaches.

This past week I hosted a private mastermind on my property in my barn. I am quite certain that I learned more from that group than they will ever learn from me. The group was highly collaborative. They asked each other great questions. They shared thoughts, and beliefs, and feelings, and opinions on topics ranging from organizational structure to future-self.  From experiential living to profitability. From the strategies of CEO’s of the three most valuable companies in the world to an old Japanese man walking in the woods. From mental models to mind mapping.  From playing the long game to understanding the brain today.

The goal was to eliminate the monkey in the middle and sit in a barn, walk in the woods, talk and laugh around a dinner table, and recognize how valuable it is to learn from anyone that we curate into our world on our path of perpetual curiosity and learning. Surround yourself with range. Choose your mentors carefully. Become multi-disciplinary. And don’t discount what YOU have to share with those around you - even with your mentors. Remember, nobody loves monkey in the middle.

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A LETTER FROM CHRIS SUAREZ

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